Contentment
“If grieve was a love that has no where to go, then happiness to me, is sadness that has found its home, made peace and feel accepted completely.
A contentment.”
For all of the feelings I refuse to deny, and all of the memories I refuse to forget.
“If grieve was a love that has no where to go, then happiness to me, is sadness that has found its home, made peace and feel accepted completely.
A contentment.”
“Back then, before he moved for good, he shook hands with everyone but me. He told me, 'I'm not going to shake hand with you.'
All these years, I thought he hated me. I thought I did something that hurt him.
Until few days ago he said, 'Did it never cross your mind that maybe that's the way I told you that I didn't wanna say goodbye to you?'
'That maybe, instead of hating you, I was actually loving you?'”
“And what did you reply him?”
“I said life is good and flat. The kind of tired that I'm facing now is a different one compared to one before. Lately, I'm just doing things without too much thinking. All I think of were just about what to do next, how to fix and solve things, and it goes on and on, day by day. Time slips so fast and suddenly it is already another day.”
“Hm..”
“It is good in a way, that I just keep moving on and not questioning much. Trying to believe that I'm actually doing something bigger than life, that this is how life supposed to be, just like how everyone else does it. That I'm building and achieving something much more important than what I actually might feel. But I know, on the back of my head, I have so many questions.”
They said it is easier to leave rather than being left behind. But I guess, they have never left someone they love wholeheartedly. They have never left because of love.
Pain, longing, and sadness work two ways. As fair as it ever, always. To leave and to be left behind, when two people love and care towards each other, the void is there. Real.
And when it happened, do make the most of it to be your best. To make things work better. Cause someone is sacrificing the heart for you.
I wish you well.
“I can safely say, being a minimalist is one of the very few best life changing decisions that I ever made.
At first, it seemed like just a small change on daily basis. Yet after sometimes, it has snowballed and became a total change on the perspective level, which changed the whole decisions that I made after.
“Well, you know. Some people aim to shoot the moon, that's why they could build a rocket, though I believe many of them don't know how to properly boil an egg.
Everything is depending on the purpose.
“Why do you choose not to tell others about what you actually want? Like what do you want them to do or to choose?”
“Because if they really know me, they would already know what I actually want them to choose or to do without telling them anything.”
“I honestly don't think there is one person who could really understand you or me, and like.. get us most of the times.”
“But then there are people like you who put the extra effort to ask more questions and silly stuff, just so you could know me better :)”
“Well...”
“That's why I never tell you what I want anymore. You know me better than myself :)”
“I just choose to see the best in you and believe it, even if you don't.”
When I let you to find me, and then you smiled.
They said time is a feeling.
“It's good that we're still arguing after all these times. Means there are still things that we want to improve from our relationship. Means we have high hopes on us. Means we evolve and didn't just stuck or gave up on circumstances.
However, there are few downsides of being together for so long and being too familiar with each other that we need to really be careful about.
“I love the stars. I love stargazing.”
“I love stars too, but mostly I love the darkest night with no star at all.”
“Oh ya? Don't know why but it feels kinda sad.”
“Maybe it is. Sad. Anyway, stargazing. Is it possible to do it here?”
“Here? I don't think so. But I'm not from here. Just moved here last month. But it seems that I did a wrong move to move here.”
“Why so? Too lonely?”
“Mungkin itu salah satunya. Terlalu banyak manusia di sini, akhirnya zona private tiap orang jadi terganggu. Alasannya ya karena metropolitan, hidup manusia jd seperti robot.”