To me, it is more about how deep the impression or memories that one left me with. Sometimes a single line, a sincere smile, or a glance of warmness, feels deeper to me than an hour of casual talk.

I met her around three weeks ago. It was the second time I noticed her small satay barrow on the corner of the street. I decided to pull over and ordered a plate of chicken satay and lontong. She helped her husband to prepare the satay, they both are pretty old actually, around 50s to 60s I think. And since then, I've been visiting them every week, sometimes twice a week, just to have their satay.

I went there today, only to found them nowhere. The other seller told me that the lady passed away this morning.

I never really talked much with them, actually. Just casual talks when they brought my orders. But she always smiled so warmly and made me feel at home.

I honestly don't even know why I feel this way; slightly sad and heavy on my chest.

I guess, we all affect and give impact to everyone that life made us encounter with, no matter how short it was, somehow, some ways.

And maybe what matters in life is never about the distance, nor the time.

#life #honesty #thoughts #memories

What I dislike the most of life, probably are unproductivity, uncertainty, and indecisiveness. Combine them with fears and you'll have zero growth.

Now, I might dislike them all, but I hate zero growth the most.

What I like the most from you, probably are your witty mind, curiosity, and your ability to understand me. Yet, combine you with my love of adventures, flexibility, and deep connection, we are at zero growth.

Now, I do like you, but I love myself the most.

What I like the most from a cup of coffee, probably the smell and the bitter taste. Combine it with a cozy space and great music, you'll get the best time of your life. Yet, what I love from drinking it, was because I don't have to talk or to listen while I sip on it.

I love my solitude the most.

The paths that we take are very different, my friend. Let's just let you sip your latte and I sip my lemonade coffee. Sometimes, though we both love coffee, it is better not to share to enjoy it.

The same goes with life.

Bitter sweet sayonara. Bali, June 2021.

#life #honesty #soulmates #memories

“If love is only a matter of the right person, at the right time and the right place, then at this very moment, we have love. We are love.

But know that love is love. It doesn't equal to anything else. It's momentarily. And maybe, that's the beauty of it.”

Momentarily. Jakarta, June 2021

“At the end of the day, will you choose love or us?”

#life #love #honesty #conversation #strangers #soulmates #memories

After 10 years, I visited this city again. A city that I never really feel welcomed at, a city that made me really realized how it felt to be different, a city that described the words; culture shock- at all possible level to me, and a city which all of the sad memories were the only good ones that I have.

This is probably the only city in the world that I would always skip whenever possible and made me wanna go back home as soon as possible. The city that I don't even wanna pronounce the name at all.

And today, I just added another unpleasant memory in this city. How ironic was that for a second chance? Lol.

If Jogja reminds me of the important things in life and Ubud allows me to regain myself back, then what this city shows me clearly over and over again was that everything has a price to pay.

I love Bali for bringing out all the greatness in me, and maybe that's why I dislike this city; because it reminds me of the darkest monster I have in me.

I just wanna go home. Unpleasant city, June 2021.

#honesty #life #memories

“You remember how you always said you want people to just forget you while I always said I want them to remember me? I think I understand you more now and am feeling the same way as you with time.”

“Oh how so? Why do you feel that way?”

“I don't know. Maybe I was trying to be the person who remembers too and now I want to change it? Why did you always feel that way?”

“Maybe because I don't feel memories about me are significant.”

“I dont know. I guess I just want to forget some things.”

“Do you remember, I once said when we were a bit arguing back then; “I hope you will never understand what I feel and will never have to.””

“And?”

“Lol. No and. I really wish you wouldn't feel the way I did on sadness or loneliness. I want you to be happy.”

“I want you to be happy, too.”

“You know I always try to.”

“I do too, then.”

If anyone should remember anything about me, I wish it was a memory that made them remember of how good they are to me. Bali, June 2021

#honesty #life #memories #soulmates

“Loneliness is the price that I have to pay to believe that I will never be alone.

Being alone is the price that I have to pay to feel enough about myself.

They are different (Loneliness and being alone) and actually, they rarely be in the same room together at the same time.”

Memories do have expiration date. Bali, May 2021

#life #honesty #memories #strangers #loneliness

Should I moved that chair to the center, it would have been a perfect picture.

But perfect is boring. Perfect is stagnancy, leaving no room to grow. Perfect is not memorable, and I'm a collector of memories.

People often argue, whatever in our memories will always seem nicer, cause the mind has that ability to censor the bad and sad parts from those memories.

And I actually take it as a great superpower, to be able to reprogram the memories and rewrite the narratives into our lives. To readjust the purpose of our lives into the path that we aimed for, and to actually create the person that we wanna be.

Life is never perfect and I'm glad for that. I'm glad I didn't bother to move that chair, too. I still don't.

Curate the memories.

#life #memories

“Really? I see it differently tho. I think memories fade but how you feel about those memories, stay. Like.. I won't forget how you made me feel.”

“:)”

#memories #life

“I knew you will :).”

“But that's not what I wanna tell you about.”

“Ah..then?”

“She has a friend, he got an accident that made him lost all of his memories, except one thing.”

“Hm?”

“Guess what it is?”

“Tell me.”

“His work. Of all the things, he forget them all except about his work.”

”....”

“That made me think, maybe that's how our brain works? When we focus on one thing too much, that's what our brain choose to remember? If only he thought more about his family and his friends, maybe he will still remember them by now.”

You know, some words and some conversations are unforgetable, but this one..your last sentence, despite it is how our brain works or not, will stuck inside mine for a long time.

#memories

If you really do what you have to do, I will meet you. But you didn't.

Which is a good thing, too. It reminded me that I need to do what I have to.

And I did.

I left.

#life #memories