I Know How It Feels
To see how life goes on for everyone, but you. To see how things were just the same, the usual daily life happens to everyone, but you. Feels like your trouble, pain and sadness are so small that they affected no one, but you. Feels like your existence is worthless and meaningless.
You can’t even differ life and death, let alone to count your breath. You don’t know whether it was important or it was simply boredom, you just remember everything and every little details plays in your head. Every-little-details. Play-stop-rewind.
I know how it feels.
To slowly kill your soul by abandoning what your heart needs to say and ignoring what your mind needs to feel. To always know what to do but never knew what to feel. Feel helpless, no matter how strong your will to fight and get back up, was. Feel clueless, you just forget who you were before all these?
You have no idea of what you are looking anymore. You know everything and forget all the things all together. You fight with your own desires and memories, to define yourself.
I know how it feels.
To smile and be strong to ease everyone’s heart, but you. To seem hopeful and positively welcoming changes in front of everyone, but your own shadow. Feel tired of life and could only sighing with few options that none was actually your choice. Feel enough of lying to yourself, or wait- what was it called? Positive thinking?
You can’t even say it out loud, what you really feel and what really bother you. You can’t even cry out loud tho you know how much you need it, and how often you shed your tears when no one is around.
You just love them so much that you choose to hold the weight of the world for everyone, but you.
I know how it feels and you are not alone. You are never alone and it is okay to feel that way for a while.