Loudly Here

“When I told you that I am selfish and you decided not to believe it, that's your choice. But when you came back to me, telling me that I was selfish, and hoped that it will hurt me, you do know that you just made yourself a fool?

Read poetry when you are on the early stage of healing process; which is understanding your own pain and sadness, and giving it a solid ground. Poetry is good at giving a voice to what you can't say, and giving a space for everything you can't show. It made you feel less alone.

But ditch it when you

Dealing with my aging sick parents and their dramas, intensely these two months, made me finally understand the saying of “The best way to be angry is to not be.”

Before this, I tought it was about managing my emotions better. Or about finding a better thing to say, managing my tone, curating my words and such. I thought it was about not letting my energy to be wasted by being angry.

I was partly wrong though.

“I wasn't even taking my time to think, is there even a time for me to stop? I have too much on my plate now.

And you were right; all the things that you mentioned, were. But then

Everything is a result of what I choose to do or not do. Nothing and no one could make me do things better (or worse), more than what I believe I can do.

If self love is about embracing what I deserve and feeling good about myself, then self respect is about

I was talking to a friend about a book that I currently read and about the childhood trauma part, when that realization came to me;

Something 'bad' that happened, cut us too deep, and left scars within us, is not a trauma. It was just another less favourable events of life.

What then turns it into a traumatic experience was

Freedom is never cheap, but almost anything in this life that we want (and we could only imagine for now), has a price that we could pay to have it.

And the real question is never “How much?”. Instead, it is almost always; “Am I willing to pay for it?”

There was a time when I wished to be understood and to be accepted the way I was.

Little did I know, I wasn't at peace with myself at that time. I felt lost, depressed, and I haven't understood the grief that I had, yet.

I put myself on their mercy, that I need someone to make me feel at peace with whoever I was and wasn't. That I need to feel belong and complete.

It took few years for me to

Unlike stress that usually built when we don't understand how to deal with something, fears mostly raised when we feel that there will be certain discomfort (that caused by challenges or changes) that we have to face.

With stress,

As a woman, I was taught to find small joy and small happiness in every situation, especially in hardships and unpleasant or less ideal situations.

But boy, how I hate